Yuh is ah Trini|"If yuh know how to fix yuh man"
Now just before we get into this post I must state that the major reason for "fixing" is a result of the love for "D'Saltfish". Trini men simply love dey saltfish and Trini women know how to fix it just right. It is recommended that saltfish is eaten at a minimum of two times a week to keep the body standing on firm ground and intact - this helps to clear your mind and ensure that you are sane as you face the daily stress that is shoved on your face daily. Now it is your turn to figure out if I was talking about Newfoundland cod or Trini Saltfish. In any case Sparrow said that he is 'its greatest lover'. So if the priest could play who is me. By the way, I like my saltfish with cassava eh... Get yuh mind out of the gutter.
The immediate question to ask is what is mean by the term "fix yuh man". This is not a case where something needs to be mended but wait one minute maybe to "fix yuh man" can be regarded as a case of fixing. We are not talking about "fixing" as in "fixing the race in your favor" but fixing as in to control or to ensure that the man heed the wisdom or wishes of the "other half". This 'other half' who could be a girlfriend or spouse or live in companion likes nothing better that to have control of her lover or loved one. The act of "fixing the man" can be accomplished in very cleaver ways. Now if you are a true Trini or as we like to say "yuh is as Trini" then you are very aware of the ways women "fix men" in Trinidad.
One common term is "fix de bitch nah" and in this case it simply means to spade the female dog to ensure that she does not get pregnant. As you are aware when a dog is in heat the pot-hounds gather in a pack to take turns at the female who will willingly accommodate the males that she favors. But in the case of men and women what does a woman do to get control of her man? You got it my friend she fixes him but this is not like the case of the dogs even though she may look at him and consider him "a dog" at times. She fixes him sometimes because she wants to ensure that he does not look at other women (he likes to stray from home - dog syndrome), sometimes for financial reasons, sometimes because she is very selfish and controlling or simply because 'she can or believes she can'. So how does she "fix her man?"
Well I dealt with this subject previously with the posts "Sweat Rice", "Beh Beh Man" and "Goumangala" and for the sake of this post simply post some of the ways this is accomplished. Simply use the search bar above to search for "sweat rice" and the posts can be found in Trinizagada.
So here is the short list or the "how to" to get control of that pesky lover:
Sweat Rice
The woman removes her panties and stoops over steaming rice and allows the steam to condense and fall back to the rice. That is the case of a sweating vagina and backside 'pardna'. She then give the man the rice to eat - "pardna yuh dogs dead oui".
Wood Slave in the Rice
The zagada or house lizard is taken to the high priestess or obeaman who puts a charm on the creature. The woman then takes it home and cooks it in the rice. The zagada is removed, the rice drained and then give to the man to eat. Same outcome - "yuh officially become ah Beh Beh Man.
Frozen Cucumber
There is science and art with this method. First yuh need to get a healthy looking cucumber, cut it open and take out some of the core. Now take some honey and put it inside, spread around well eh (doh worry ah listened well). Now get a piece of parchment paper and write the persons name on it, wrap the paper well and place it in the honey soup inside the cucumber. Now close the cucumber and seal it with hot candle wax. Take the cucumber and place it in the freezer compartment of your refrigerator. Turn it a few times (yuh might notice that the man is a little restless when yuh turn the cucumber). After the cucumber is frozen that man is as quiet as an angel - yuh in control!
Ganga Channa
Yek, this is just plain nasty. This might get the man sick rather that control him but all the same here is the trick... Ah know some of the ladies taking note eh. To put it as simple as I can this is simply dried poop that is parched and sprinkled on the persons food. You are now not just a fool but ah dam fool my friend.
Shaved Pubic Hair
People used hair form their head, armpit but the most important hair used is pubic hair it always comes back to the Bermuda Triangle if yuh ask me. The hair is burnt then crushed and sprinkled on the food the man eats. I don't know how this one works since burnt hair gives off such a strong scent. I guess the strength of this method remains in the Bermuda triangle of love between the woman's legs eh.
Spiked Sorrel
Gosh this is just nasty if yuh ask me. I am not going into this one that is dealt with in detail in Beh Beh man. Simply know that it is a touch of blessed menstrual cycle by product that is added to the sorrel drink. I am only drink sorrell that is sold in the parlour with the name cannings on the bottle. Sorrel at home for Christman - "only from meh muddah eh"!
Breast Milk
Bring it on or better yet let meh get it from the sourse just point meh in the right direction. In am not afraid of this one as a matter of fact I might just encourage it if I get to source the milk so to speak. In this case the breast milk is added to the macaroni pie and allyuh know how Trini men love dey macaroni pie. The idea is to have you like a child under their control. I don't mind that as long as I could get the cookie every day.
Channel Eggs
Lordy this one is a classic. This one had me cracking up - this is the best and it is genius if yuh ask me - well yuh did not have to ... this is just brilliant. OK, the channel egg is created by breaking eggs on the back of the woman (bent over just enough for the egg to flow down her back). The egg drains (channels its way) down the indentation of her spinal column flows in-between her butt cheeks to her pubic area then drains and is collected in a bowl below. the now sauced eggs are seasoned and either scrambled or fried and served. Now remember if you are ever served eggs and it has that very peculiar smell that "ah real man knows" yuh should either smile or run like hell.
Left Hand Dumplings
This method is a Tobago phenomena. I doh mind this one but it will be better done if you are albe to catch the woman in the act. That could turn out to be a very interesting cooking experience. The trick of this "tie" works something like this: The woman undresses and in a naked state goes into the kitchen where she kneads the flour (naked as she born eh) with her left hand (I eh know why eh so doh ask me). The resulting dumpling or bake is then served to the man especially when he wants the cookie eh. Tobago tricks better than Trinidad tricks eh so in this case yuh tie for life.
Goumangala
Watch what yuh eat when yuh visit a casueal acquantance's home. Never accept anything given to you until yuh get a feel of the home. If when you enter the home they are anxious to feed you, run. If for some reason the situation simply does not feel right, run. See Goumangala the article is listed in this blog.
Papa Neeza (Obeah Man)
This is the tradional method to "fix yuh man" and is done by women who are just 'bold-faced' and don't care who knows that she visited the obeah man to fix her business. In the end I think the obean man gets the best out of this situation. I think being an obeah man is a good thing. Well yuh see he has to give the woman a bath and sometimes if he is good enough "he makes the woman believe that he needs to fix the good to get the man". He gets his and she believes that she will get her desired outcome. Sometimes the fix is so good that she return to the obeah man for regular fixing.
Spiked Callaloo
I need an assist with this one. If you know how to fix the callaloo leave a comment and I will update the posting. Of course we need to know if it worked for you so don't be shy. We need the 411.
Cut Arse
This is a no-brainer and one that some women can accomplish on their own. The fix comes with a good "cutarse" where the will of the woman is beaten into the man. Yeah I know you are saying that could never happen to you but I am sure that you know someone who regularly cowers to the will of his spouse right? Well what de hell yuh think is going on at home?
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